Select from the following:
Chapter 1: Why Learn Self-management
Part One
Chapter 2: The ABC Approach
Chapter 3: ABC Interactions
At the outset a student might legitimately ask, “Why should I learn self-management?” An answer to this question can be found in a once popular TV commercial that stressed the importance of car engine maintenance, proclaiming: “Pay me now or pay me later.” The same can be said about taking care of our lives. We can learn how to manage ourselves now while in school, or we can learn this later, after completing our formal education. In either case, learning has a price — at the very least time and effort — which we can pay now or pay later. One thing is clear: our academic, personal, and professional success will depend on it.
By paying the price now we will have several years to practice self-management and refine our skills. This will almost certainly assure academic success and set the stage for professional achievement and personal fulfillment. Having mastered self-management, we will find that our education has really prepared us for the business of living. Unlike so many other “educated” people, we will not have to consult TV talk show hosts and infomercial gurus for advice on how to gain control of our lives. We will have already learned the principles of self-management and been systematically practicing this skill for years.
By paying the price now, we will be one step ahead of other college graduates. The college graduate who can present evidence of being self-managed, self-directed, and self-motivated is almost certain to get better job offers and command a higher salary because these are the qualities employers look for — but so seldom find.
Corporations spend billions of dollars each year on employee training programs. Why? Because college graduates in their employ never learned self-management in areas such as motivation, communication, stress, leadership, time management, and assertiveness. That is why many CEOs have complained that their corporations have had to fill the educational void that most colleges ignore.
By paying the price now, before we get immersed in a professional or business career, we learn what a great many students fail to learn — that you are your career! This means that no job, occupation, or profession is your career, but that you and the skills you develop determine your success. By developing ourselves holistically and learning to self-manage, we prepare ourselves for any type of work because we will be able to adjust and adapt as needed. By focusing on ourselves as our careers rather than on an external job, we prepare ourselves for sudden changes in the professional or corporate culture. Many individuals find themselves "careerless" after such corporate shocks as downsizing and layoffs. When we do not treat ourselves as our career, no one else will either. Arguing in support of self-management may appear unnecessary. How could anyone not want to be in charge of oneself, be able to think straight, set and achieve meaningful goals, interact more positively with others, and be happier? Yet, arguments are being made here for a systematic approach to self-management, not an ad hoc, “hit or miss,” “fly-by-the-seat-of-the-pants” approach. Not everyone will be willing to pay the price to learn such an approach. Nonetheless, that is exactly what this book is about, and what the authors hope each student will derive from it. In an article in the Chronicle of Higher Education, Wendy Williams (1998), a Cornell University psychologist, cites her research that identifies a form of intelligence distinct from that measured by traditional IQ tests. Williams refers to this form of intelligence as practical intelligence and describes it as “an ability essential to success that differs from the more academic intelligence measured by IQ tests.” According to Williams, practical intelligence is largely independent of academic intelligence and a better predictor of professional and personal success. Because practical intelligence appears to be more culturally than genetically determined, it can also be taught and learned. It consists of three types of abilities:
• Managing oneself
• Managing others
• Managing one’s environment
Mastering the principles and techniques of Self-management for College Students will help strengthen all aspects of a student’s intellectual functioning — including academic, practical, and emotional intelligence. In addition to improved learning and intellectual skills, students can expect at the very least the following outcomes as they begin practicing self-management:
• Improved relationships
• Higher motivation
• Greater independence
• More positive feelings
• Increased energy
• More productive use of time
• Better health
Of course, many of these outcomes can benefit us long after we have completed our formal schooling.
Students who get the most out of Self-management for College Students “bring it home and make it their own” by finding new and creative ways of applying its principles. Feedback from thousands of students indicates that those who practice the ABC approach to self-management improve significantly in all the outcome areas mentioned above.
This book’s approach to college success is distinguished from other texts by the systematic application of the ABC Model. The model presumes that our ability to self-manage in any area relies on our ability to understand and manage our own affect, behavior, and cognition — our ABCs.
There are literally hundreds of books published each year on self-improvement with advice on how to change in virtually any area of life. Our approach is different in that it unifies essential research and applications into a single, comprehensive model of self-change that can be applied to any area of personal development.
For those interested in the research underpinnings of Self-management for College Students, books and articles by several authors are cited in the references. We encourage students to consult them for additional information.
Central to the dawning of self-knowledge are our unique dreams, values, and goals — those powerful forces that lend substance and purpose to our lives. Our individual character is given shape as we continually attempt to bring into focus a clearer vision of who we are and where we want to go.
Still, many of us act as though we are detached spectators, watching the events of our lives drift by. That which is basic to our moment-to-moment experiences — the (A)ffective, (B)ehavioral, and (C)ognitive aspects of our functioning — our ABCs — are often uncharted waters.
Few of us consider how our own feelings, behaviors, and thoughts can be a constant resource for helping us reach our potential and bring shape to our dreams.
The ABCs are part and parcel of what it means to be human, for we are always involved in some level of affect (feelings), behavior (actions), and cognition (thoughts). To reflect on our ABCs is to reflect on the very substance of life. To understand and direct these areas of ourselves is the powerful force of self-management.
The seventeenth century philosopher and essayist Francis Bacon once claimed, “The mold of a man’s fortune is in his own hands.” President Abraham Lincoln expressed a similar sentiment when he said, “People are about as happy as they allow themselves to be.”
A century later, Lou Holtz, Notre Dame’s famous football coach, claimed that “the greatest victory you can ever achieve is the victory over yourself.” At an impassioned presentation at Marist College in 1997, educator and poet Maya Angelou urged each individual in an audience of 3,500 “to dare to be somebody.”
All of these comments reflect the philosophy that guides the ABC approach to self-management.
Self-management is the ability to take charge of our affect (A), behavior (B), and cognition (C) in order to accomplish our goals. It is directing oneself in a purposeful manner so that our reality begins to resemble our wish list.
At times misunderstood as a mechanical process, self-management is dismissed by some people because they misconstrue its meaning and purpose as self-control and self-promotion.
Self-management is not the same as self-control because self-control connotes restraint and inhibition; whereas self-management is just as often concerned with freedom and spontaneity.
Nor is it self-promotion, which connotes self-centeredness and narcissism. Self-management requires honest self-examination and frequently benefits others. Its purpose is to empower each of us to actualize our full potential — emotionally, behaviorally, intellectually — in order to enhance the quality of our lives and of those with whom we interact.
Viewing each day as something that we make happen as opposed to something that just happens is what differentiates a self-managed person from others.
Far from turning us into passionless robots, self-management enables us to derive more meaning and pleasure from everyday living. As one student aptly put it, “Learning to manage myself made me captain of my life.”
In practice, self-management necessitates choices — choices we make about how to manage every aspect of our lives — our motivation, time, study habits, personal relationships, and self-esteem.
Before tackling these important topic areas, which are the subject of later chapters, we first must be able to differentiate among our own affect, behavior, and cognition. Once we can make these distinctions, we will see how feelings (A), actions (B), and thoughts (C) interact and then learn how to direct them to improve our self-management skills in any area we choose.
The ‘A’ of the ABCs stands for affect, which includes emotions and sensations, those aspects of ourselves that we label or describe as feelings. “I feel angry, or tense, or tired” are statements about affect.
The close connection between emotions and sensations is probably why the common word “feeling” is used to describe them. “Feeling” angry (emotion) and “feeling” tired (sensation) both fall under the generic category of affect.
Nevertheless, it is important to distinguish emotions from sensations because if they become problematic, there are different ways of dealing with them.
Affect can be interpreted as positive (pleasant), negative (unpleasant), or somewhere in between. Most of us are motivated to increase pleasant affect and decrease unpleasant affect.
We will discuss the two different types, emotion and sensation, and make a distinction between helpful and harmful affect.
Turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
Dennis Waitley (1936 - )
Motivational speaker, psychologist
Although we can discuss affect, behavior, and cognition as separate components of human functioning as we did in Chapter 2, they are really interrelated aspects of the whole person (Rudestam, 1980). Being able to distinguish one ABC from another is the first step to understanding their interrelationships. These interrelationships or ABC interactions collectively represent the foundation of our self-esteem, social relationships, motivation, and all areas of academic and personal development.
An ABC interaction refers to the impact of each ABC component upon another. It is an ongoing, cause-and-effect relationship in which affect, behavior, and thought influence each other. For example, a driver who thinks, “Other motorists must not tailgate” (C) may get very annoyed (A) when another car is too close and may slam on the brakes (B). Thoughts like, “How dare he” or “Nobody should ride on my tail” (C) occur very quickly, and may cause the driver to get tense and angry (A), and then hit (B) the brakes.
Obviously, this ABC interaction could continue. The driver might look in his rearview mirror (B) and see that the other motorist is still tailgating. Subsequent ABC interactions would depend on how the driver feels, behaves, and thinks in response to this situation. He might think, “What nerve!” get even angrier, cut off the other car, and so on.
We all know of cases when violent confrontations have occurred between motorists who did not manage their ABCs. This type of ABC interaction is now commonly referred to as “road rage.”
The ABC modality that begins the ABC interaction is the trigger of the firing order. This trigger is always an aspect of the person, not the environment.
The previous example of the angry driver reveals a C - A - B firing order: the cognition (motorists must not tailgate) prompted the affect (tension and anger) that in turn motivated the driver’s behavior (hitting the brakes). Cognition (C) was the trigger or component that set off the ABC interaction. Even though the other person’s actions may have justified a reaction, the driver’s own cognitive response was the trigger.
I alone “pull my own trigger.” How or what I think (C) may trigger a feeling (A) and this feeling may influence how I act (B). Or, I may do (B) something that triggers a thought (C) and this thought may cause me to feel (A) a certain way. Experiencing strong emotions (A) may trigger thoughts (C) that lead to specific behaviors (B).
On other occasions, doing something (B) may trigger sensations (A) that influence my thinking (C). Each of these firing orders is illustrated by examples below.
When the phone rings, Cynthia thinks (C): “That must be my friend calling.” She feels happy (A) and runs (B) to answer the phone.
After asking (B) the reference librarian for help, Ms. Adams realizes (C) that the college staff actually enjoys working with students, and now she feels comfortable (A) approaching a career counselor.
James wakes up feeling sad (A), begins to focus (C) on all that is wrong in his life, and mopes (B) around his room the rest of the day.
Andy drinks a bottle of tequila, swallows the worm (B), begins to feel queasy (A), and decides (C) to leave the party before the worm “shows up.”
In the first example, the firing order is C - A - B. In the second, it is B - C - A. In the third and fourth, the firing orders are A - C - B and B - A - C, respectively.
In describing the firing order for each example, we have systematically identified the component that triggered each ABC interaction and the ABC components that followed in its wake. The trigger of the firing order in the first example is a thought (“It must be my friend on the phone”); in the second it is behavior (asking for help); in the third it is affect (feels sad); in the fourth it is behavior (drinking tequila).
Even though experience tells us that a firing order can be much more complex than these simple examples demonstrate, if we want to determine the trigger and firing order of our ABC interactions, we need only ask ourselves two questions:
• Which ABC component began the ABC interaction?
• In what order did the other ABC components follow?
Knowing the trigger of our ABC interactions suggests which component to address first if we desire a change. Understanding how the ABCs interact enables us to interrupt the interaction. Applying this knowledge helps us gain control over our ABC interactions, a skill basic to self-management.
